Why I Left Social Media
I was a late adopter of social media, only signing up for a Facebook account when I moved away from my home town from school. I can honestly say that I never clicked off feeling better about myself. There was a constant feed of global tragedies, rage-bate posts of perceived social justice inequalities (that’s catnip for college students after all), and a nagging feeling that I wasn’t living up to my potential. People often use social media to showcase either the highlight reel or the drama of their lives, with the ordinary truth in between languishing in the algorithm. I (painstakingly) deleted my account shortly after my wedding, and never bothered to engage with newer platforms like Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc.
When I found out I was expecting twins, I dipped my toe back onto social media platforms. Becoming a twin mom promised to be a life changing event, and I considered the potential benefits of wading back into the social media waters. I rationalized social media could be a positive tool to better prepare for the experience of being a parent of twins. My goal was to connect with other twin moms, to have my questions answered and gather a better sense of exactly what I was in for when the twins arrived.
I found the space just as toxic and performative as before:
- A comparison trap that had me question my parenting choices.
- A distraction that wasted time and zapped by emotional bandwidth rather than replenishing me.
- An echo chamber that reinforced being right through upvotes and emojis, rather than genuine connection.
- Lots of exploitative content of children with their faces, names and private lives on full display
What Life Without Social Media Has Given Me
1. Deeper Connection with My Twins
Saying off of social media again, I feel a noticeable shift in my day-to-day life as a mom of twins. For one, I have reclaimed so much time that would have been wasted aimlessly scrolling through unsatisfying posts and promos. Time I could have spent engaging with my children, rather than with someone else’s family.
One of the biggest changes has been in my patience. When you’re raising twins, you’re patience will be tested (a lot). There’s a calm I hadn’t realized was being hijacked by the viral story of the day. Calls to action that would leave me angry, fearful, sometimes proud, but most consistently drained. My life is full throttle enough, that I simply can not afford to hand over my mental bandwidth to the concerns of the mob on social media. There are simply not enough hours in the day to sacrifice for something that is not serving my family or myself.
Without that intrusive noise, I’m more present. More grounded. I can appreciate the small serene moments with my children, without falling into the dopamine trap of having to respond to a social media alert, or being distracted by the comment section of a clickbate post.
2. Escaping The Comparison Trap
I still remember that lightning-bolt moment when the nursing staff brought us our discharge papers and told us we were free to take our twins home. No oversight, no competency threshold, no accountability to any outside agency. Congrats on these two new little lives and good luck.
I was a mix of thrilled excitement and reserved panic. We’re we really enough for these little lives entrusted to our care? I think it is this panic of not being enough that drives parents (mostly moms) to social media in search of reassurance, guidance and a sense of community. There is so much to learn- a lot of “you don’t know what you don’t know”. In some ways there was a lot of good information learn from engaging with other twin moms and the broader parenting groups.
Sometimes I would scroll through the posts of others moms on social media and feel this deep ache in my chest. The seasonal themed shelf work, the sensory play bins, the expensive wooden toy, all thoughtfully curated and artfully displayed. Like every loving parent, I want my children to have every advantage in life. But then reality hits. I will never have all the time, the money, or the space to actualize what I am seeing on my screen. Some days I can barely find the time to eat a still-hot meal, or keep the house in relative order, let alone create a Pinterest-worthy experience. And that is not a realist expectation any mother should carry, but its hard not to. I have found that whats best for my sense of self is simply to cut ties with the temptation, and log off. Our family is much happier and content for it.
3. Prioritizing Privacy
I’m fiercely protective of my children’s digital footprint. I remember in middle school my parents had to sign a waiver if we want school-related photos to be published online. An opt-in system. Now you need to go out of your way to opt-out. Some community children’s program even have a disclaimer that simply attending is implied consent that your children will be potentially photographed and posted in their promotions. I do my best to advocate for my children.-
That shift troubles me. Our children are growing up in a world where their faces and moments can be captured and shared without context or consent — often before they’re even old enough to understand what privacy means. As their mother, I see it as my responsibility to advocate for their right to grow up without a digital trail they didn’t choose.
4. Protecting Their Dignity, Not Just Their Privacy
There’s a line I see crossed all too often, the sharing a child’s humiliating moments online. Twin’s bring a special kind of chaos, especially in the toddler years, that are viral gold. These posts often get lots of engagement because they’re relatable. But that relatability is often twisted into a justification: We’re all in this together, or Have a sense of humor.
The cost to the child is sidestepped.
I’ve seen parents post their child’s most vulnerable moments- meltdowns, toileting accidents, biting, and medical struggles. All with full names and face photos to drive engagement. I understand the desire to feel like you’re not alone in this parenting journey. That the intent is to seeking validation that their child is normal, and that this season is really hard. But I can’t help but ask: What impact does this public embarrassment have on the child? How will they feel years from now, those cringe worthy moments used for content?
For me, protecting my children’s digital footprint extended to protecting their dignity. This means choosing not to turn their growing pains into clickbate. These are not my moments to share.
As I outline on my About page:
Out of respect for my children, their names will be limited to initials, and images of their faces limited to newborn photos. I want them to retain full control of their digital footprint, and choose for themselves when they are old enough what they wish to have published.
Some stories are better left completely offline. Not every moment needs a global audience.
Why I Share on My Blog, Not Social Media
Social media platforms never felt like the appropriate space to share the thoughts and stories I was interested in posting.
I’d be too focused on how my posts clashed with what others posted; I didn’t want to post life-wins when I saw others struggling, and I felt hesitant to share my own struggles that felt too heavy and out of place for a eclectic Facebook feed. Too many conflicting tones. No matter how I tried to justify it, I felt like I was seeking permission and approval, rather than sharing with unhindered enthusiasm.
As a mother, the information that people commonly shared about little ones concerned me. The casual oversharing was, in my mind, a safety and privacy risk I didn’t want for my children. When I did share something meaningful, it either felt inappropriately intense, or was met with a thumbs-up or a heart emoji, rather than the depth that I hoped it might deserve.
This blog on, the other hand, has become my little slice of the internet for self expression and reflection. Originally a space to process the whiplash of losing a daughter to twin life in the same year, it has grown to reflect my parenting journey. When I write here, it’s not for likes or algorithms. I choose what I share. I can dive into the full story if I choose, not just the clickbait version. I sit with an idea a lot longer, and only share when the work feels right. Sometime a post takes several months.
Don’t You Feel Like You’ve Missing Out?
99% of the time when I tell someone I have no social media, they reply in wonder “wow, I wish I could do that!” Usually followed with an explanation of a distant friend, or possibly work obligation that they feel makes disconnection impossible. And for some, I get that social media stopped being optional and became a default none negotiable essential.
Trust me, I am well aware I am in the minority here. I have accepted that a lack of social media presence will mean I miss out on learning about some events my family would enjoy. I’ve made peace with that. I don’t want to live my life pre-paying and pre-scheduling time slots to the pumpkin patch, especially with 2 under 3 years when the day can nosedive on a whim. Instead I just accept that living a life less plugged in comes with some minor inconveniences I’ve learned to shrug off.
I also don’t miss the pressure to share every milestone or post the perfect photo of my children. I do still share those moments, just not with the world. I text them to grandparents, close friends, and coworkers who will treasure them and genuinely love our children. This opens up a conversation, rather than an uninspiring one liner in the comment section or thumbs up emoji.
